Longleaf Stories

full circle in the hundred acre wood

The well has run dry. I became so accustomed to writing a blog that people half a world away would read — people I would never meet — that I forgot how to write from my own mind, my spirit, and that, combined with the strange frenetic beastie that is the Internet, my way of deep diving into books, journals, slow walking and picture taking, and just sitting with a cup of coffee and thinking about what I am thinking about, dwindled, too.

Starting reading a book yesterday called World Without Mind by Franklin Foer. Helped me think through some of this and begin to find my way back to my own mind, and to start feeding it real food again instead of junk. The metaphor he used was how some of (enlightened) folks stopped eating processed (and super over-processed) ersatz food (i.e. TV dinner type stuff) and began to grow gardens and frequent purveyors of organic fruits and vegetables. I’ve allowed GAFA (Google, Amazon, Facebook and Apple) to quietly become a sugar Coke for my brain. I swear, I think it’s diluted my focus to the point that I speak in partial, distracted sentences sometimes now. Either that, or dementia is approaching. Egad. Either way, time for me to retake the reins of my wild horse brain and see what it can do.

First thing I did last night was to reset my iPhone a bit: went into the Notifications setting and reset nearly all them to “none,” so I will no longer get incessant bubbly tones with news flashes, weather alerts, or (the worst) chirps advising me that a package from Amazon has been delivered. Big whoop.

Second thing was to leave my damn phone on my desk for the evening while Buck and I sat on the couch on the snow porch and enjoyed a drink, some almonds, our dinner, conversation and each other. Did I think about the phone? Yes, I admit to glancing over to the spot beside me on the sofa where it usually sits. Then I smiled inwardly to realize the subtle power the damn thing exerts, the invisible hold it had. “Had” being the operative word.

I took a hot bath last night to ease sore muscles in my shoulders and neck, two aspirin for a headache, and went to bed. Buck glanced at a football game and read on into the final (published) book from Game of Thrones, A Dance with Dragons. I am listening to it on Audible and continue to be entranced by R. R. Martin’s prodigious imagination, vocabulary, humor, and storytelling genius. It’s fun to share the ride with Buck and a delight to see how much he is enjoying the tale.

I want to work on improving my sleep, too. Clearly haven’t been getting enough and the quality of it has been poor. The hot bath last night helped. Further, I removed my Fitbit watch and left it outside the bedroom. It lights up in the night and sometimes startles me awake. Plus, Buck is up and down several times in the night, too, poor guy. Thought I would try setting my iPhone to alarm at 6:15 and stop looking at a watch throughout the night. Good concept, I think, but arose at 5:28 this morning, more from bladder pressure than anything else. Lou was grateful. She was more than ready to run outside and chase away deer or other critters, real or imagined.

She is laying quietly now just outside the circle of my lamp. I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet, much less fed her breakfast. Let this be a lesson to me: I CAN turn on the computer, sit right down and free write 600+ words, as Natalie Goldberg “told” me (via her books) to do so long ago.

Damn if this organic food for the mind isn’t just what a brain needs.

Yep. I need to talk to myself via writing. No need to use yellow pads or old spiral notebooks. The blog is my timeline if I will let it be. Just had to turn it private for my eyes only, as I did this morning before  starting to write.

Speak. Leave a memory.

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